I have been remiss (again!) in updating this regularly, however the demands of full-time student teaching have really made it difficult to do anything but eat, sleep, and teach. I apologize, dear readers, but I will try to reflect on the events of my experience thus far.
This has been, by far, one of the most difficult periods of my life. I feel like a failure, a winner, an idiot, and as if I’m making a difference all in waves on a daily basis. Never have I questioned my own beliefs, thoughts, or feelings so much! I encounter a new situation every day, and although I don’t feel that I am nearly where I want to be as a teacher yet, I do know that I’m closer than I ever have been before.
I have encountered many things on this journey. I walked into my full-time teaching experience thinking I was ready for what lie ahead. I was wrong. I didn’t count on the 60 variables that step into my classroom every day. I didn’t think about that there might be students that don’t like me. Or parents that disapprove of me. I didn’t think about all of the things I’m supposed to be able to simultaneously do, like teach the lesson, check grades, observe and give feedback, redirect rambunctious students, field questions about my personal life, answer questions about why I gave the assignment I did (both from students and my cooperating teacher), and even what to put on the walls.
I have come to understand more about where I stand on many issues, have come to question myself on still other beliefs, and have a better defined sense of myself as a result of this process.
There are two weeks to go. I am both counting down the days and dreading the end of it. I think I’m counting down because I am getting tired of teaching a class by rules I don’t always agree with and students who still ask when their real teacher is coming back. I am dreading the end because this has been the most wonderful experience of my life. I’m finally in the home stretch of realizing this dream. We all should be so lucky in our lives to be able to find, follow, and take hold of the things we dream of doing.