This is the beginning of a diary.
It is the beginning of a career.
It is a beginning in many ways.
I am on a journey.
In many ways, I have only taken the first of many steps toward a career in public education. I began this journey in June of this year, with my first semester of my MA in Education. One might argue that I began it much sooner, when I first decided to go to college to pursue teaching as a career, but we’ll start in June for the sake of consistency.
I would like to say that I have been enlightened every day of my first month of instruction, but that simply isn’t true. There have certainly been times I’ve been moved to inspiration throughout the last month and a half. I have noticed that my enlightenment generally comes at the times one specific instructor is teaching. I seem to really mesh well with his style of instruction, and he always leaves me both wanting more and thinking more.
Today I felt the first pangs of anxiety at the idea of teaching in my own classroom. It’s so close, I can almost taste it. The idea both excites and terrifies me. Will I be able to inspire my students the way my professor inspires me? Will I be able to hold the attention of a room full of 11-13 year olds, let alone control and manage them? I have wanted to teach ever since I can remember, and sometimes I forget why. I feel the need to remind myself that I am on this track because I want to affect the learning of future generations as well as because I love what I am teaching them. So much may get lost in the learning of the method, but I hope to be able to find both it and myself when I get to the other side–if I ever get to the other side.
I have so many questions right now, and so few answers. I hope, through the events of the next year the writing of these missives, to shed some light on some of my insecurities.